According to biology, it takes two to make a baby. However, when it comes to adoption often the biological father seems to be left out of the conversation more often than not.
After 20 years, Anita was faced with the question that she was sure I would have. Who is my birthfather?
Anita said that he was in the Air Force when she met him and had lost touch with him after her pregnancy. She told me his name was Bill and that he did know about me. He was given the opportunity to come see me after I was born (which he declined). She agreed to help me with my search but made absolutely no promises.
The next chapter is quite fuzzy. Some time passed and we learned that he was actually still living in the exact same city as Anita and her family. What’s crazy is that he had been there all these years and neither of them knew about the other living there. Now is where things start to get unclear – I believe that Anita reached out to him and arranged for the two of us to meet in person when I came to visit.
The day came and I was quite nervous. It was not the same nervous that I had before. It was different than when I met Anita. I assume the feeling was different because it was the last piece of the puzzle and she was going to be with me. We met at a park and basically just had conversation. Bill invited me to go gambling the next day (which I was prepared for as he had mentioned something to Anita before my visit). I agreed.
As planned, the next day we met late in the morning and headed out. After spending the afternoon together it was time to head back home. We had agreed that I would meet his wife and 2 boys the next day at brunch. He dropped me off and drove away.
That evening, Anita’s family had planned a dinner outing. I noticed that something was different about Anita and asked her to go into the bathroom. After many pleadings, she finally told me that while I was away, Bill’s wife called her. She had asked a lot of questions and basically told Anita that she should have had an abortion 21 years ago.
I went to brunch the next day and was not quite sure how to handle sitting across the table from a woman who believed that. I remember I kept asking myself, “did she actually tell my birth mother that she should have aborted me”? The two boys (technically my half brothers) were very protective of their mother. I learned that the oldest one actually looked the most like his dad when he was younger. It was interesting to see him and try to picture Bill at that same age.
I learned that no one in Bill’s family knew about me (including his wife) until now. This would be the beginning of what would be a treacherous relationship with his wife. Being 21 at the time, made it difficult for me to understand and realize what it was like for his wife to find out about me after so many years had passed. After all, she was married to this man.
Bill and I exchanged a few letters back and forth for the first several years. I learned very quickly that the relationship I had with Anita and her husband was going to be very different than this one. We have had little contact with one another and really that is because neither of us are putting forth the effort.