I went to my first ever adoption conference last April. The Conference was the 34th Annual of the American Adoption Congress. I met a lot of amazing people – but who knew that I would apparently be the LAST adoptee to read the “Bible”, The Primal Wound. This book was talked about and referred to many times during the conference so when I arrived home, one of the first things I did was to order the book.
If your life is affected by adoption, whether you're an adoptee, a friend or relative of someone who is adopted, this is a book to read. It could explain a lot. The Primal Wound speaks to the essence of our being. It speaks primarily to the adoptee, but also to the adoptive parent (AP) and birth parent (BP).
Nancy Verrier's experience as a psychologist AND an adoptive mother gives her a distinct advantage over many authors. She has personal insight and has walked the walk. The Primal Wound offers keen insight into the personal and inter-relational dynamics of everyone in the adoption triad.
This book does not talk badly, criticize or condemn any member of the triad. The book is an honest; eye opening and open reality of what all members of the triad live with on a day to day basis due to the separation from their first mother. This book can only help an adoptive parent understand their child and an adoptee understand themselves which will and can only enhance their lives by trying to understand the child that is now "their" child, but whose heart may still be with their first mother.
This book also helped me understand and realize so much about myself. It helped me understand why I am the way that I am, why I do some of the things that I do, why I struggle with love in my life, and why I have this subconscious fear of abandonment and trust. While the book may not apply to all adoptees in every situation, it does ring true for many of us left with many unanswered questions as to why we are the way we are.
I cannot stress enough that I hope adopted parents read this book if not for yourself - to better understand – but the benefit you will be able to pass along to your kiddos. This book will help you to help them.
I found this book to be an amazingly accurate representation of my life experience. I am a happy adoptee. I had everything I wanted or needed. I had all the love in the world. After all - that's all a baby needs, right? I came into my parent’s home at just a couple days old. But, the pain of separation from my first mother has never left me. Society says – “What can a little baby know”? Well, I know I lost her - I still felt a certain abandonment. Even though I am in reunion -the pain of losing my birth mother is still with me today. I feel fortunate to have found this book. I am encouraged to know that I am not alone. Everything I have felt for years is now right here in words and in black and white.
This book gives adoptees freedom from the guilt we feel all while validating us, as a true sub-culture, without identity.
Thank you Nancy, for your insight as a psychologist & adoptive mother - I am sure it took a great deal of courage to write about such a sensitive topic that society continues to characterize as the good deed of all good deeds that cannot and should not be questioned.