Becoming a parent did not necessarily change my perception of adoption or being adopted?
I had children, I was constantly looking for similarities of my face, features
and mannerisms in other people. I can’t tell you how many times people
would say to me “you look just like someone I know” and so many times I wanted
to say “well – we might just be related”.
wanted to know where I got the color of my hair, the shape of my nose or my
athletic ability etc. By becoming a
parent – it connected me with another person without closed files and secrets. My children would know exactly where they got
their features. There would not be any
moments of staring into a mirror and wondering – who am I? Who do I look like?
I do know that I would never have been able to place them for adoption. No matter if the pregnancy was planned or not. No matter if I was going to struggle trying to raise them. Sure I was scared but I simply loved them. I understand that times are different today and the stigma that surrounded unwed pregnancies 40 years ago – doesn’t necessarily exist like it did then - but I loved them from the minute I found out I was pregnant. My heart was filled with joy and happiness just knowing I was going to finally have someone who looked like me.
To be fair - I became a parent when I was several years into reunion with my birthmother so I had a couple of years of knowing where I came from and who I looked like. I considered my birth mother a source of information (other than friends and doctors) that I could ask pregnancy questions.
The fun and interesting part of this is that my kids have LOTS grandparents. For my kids, that's just the way it is. It's not particularly strange or unusual. But, for me, it constantly amazes me. I always tell them they have it so good and they just don’t know it – having six grandparents is 2x the fun.
I don’t think being adopted has affected my own parenting philosophy. I will tell you that I have a connection with my kids that I think my mother sees from afar and she wishes that we (her and I) would have had that same connection. Do we not have it because I am adopted? I honestly don’t know that answer.